Is This a Detour or The Right Road?

Imagine this:

You are traveling on a familiar road. You’ve traveled this road so many times. You are very familiar with rest stops, restaurants, gasoline stations, and other points of interests along the way. You know what to expect.

However, something happens that causes you to take a detour, i.e. roadwork construction, a wreck, a flash flood, etc. Whatever the reason, a road closure has forced you to take a detour.

Some detours run parallel to the main road and you are not far from where you normally travel. You may feel somewhat agitated, irritated, or inconvenienced.  Other detours take you through unfamiliar territory. If the detour is more off-the-beaten-path, you may feel unsure, uncomfortable, and uneasy about where you are headed.

Either way, you know you must stay on the detour path otherwise you are lost or stuck. In fact, you are on the detour for so long that you wonder if this is the road you are to stay on until your destination.

So what’s the deal with this metaphor? It actually represents what many of us have experienced or are experiencing when we are grappling with deciding:  who we are; how we want to live our lives; how satisfied are we with our lives; do we settle or live fearlessly OUT; do we live an intricately designed life or one that is congruent with being gay; do we live fully OUT, somewhat OUT or NOT OUT; do we live parallel lives with what we are familiar with and not fully integrate with being gay? The questions keep adding up.

Life holds for us detours. How we manage the detours defines us and determines how we live. The detour may actually end up being the right road.

Many of us traveled through the Land of the Straight People. I sure did. I was married twice and had two children (who I love and adore). I did not fully come to my senses and grasp that I was gay until my mid-forties. I took the scenic route to find my detour to the right road! I now live in alignment with my lesbian self.

Some of you who lived a straight life may not be totally out. Some of you may still be married and want to come out. Some of you are living a dual life compartmentalizing how you live, i.e. not out at work, but socialize with your gay friends; or not out to your family and co-workers, but have a girlfriend. There are actually many combinations of being somewhat out or selectively out. All combinations can be exhausting to sustain. Your detour contains an obstacle course and many rest stops.

Some of you may live a neutral or asexual existence. That means you live mostly by rules and guidelines that society has established and fit the straight way of living.  You know you are gay, but for whatever reason, you’ve decided not to live as a gay person. Perhaps you are afraid of upsetting your parents, family, children, friends, employer, church, etc. More than likely, you are feeling like a misfit and all alone. You may believe that your world would implode if you came out. So you live in a suspended state. Your detour runs parallel with both the straight and gay worlds.

Then there are those of you who have been in toxic relationships or long-term relationships that ended. After the relationship ended, you decided to retreat and be some sort of hybrid-hermit. You go to work, visit old friends and attend family functions. You do not want to meet or know how to meet anyone. Your detour ended up in a self-imposed house arrest.

I just gave you some example of detours. Perhaps I covered your detour or came close to it. One of the points I want to emphasize is that you create your world.  You are in control of your decisions, thoughts, assumptions, actions and results.  How’s it working for you?

Maybe you are quite happy with how your life has traversed, but many of you are trying to figure out which way to go to find a place where you belong and where you feel peace, love and happiness. Within the next few days, decide whether you want to sustain your life as is or do you want to do something about the status of your detour?

Please stay tuned for the next segment when I cover familiar landmarks and land mines. I think some of you will easily relate to and identify with what’s covered because you’ve been there and done that.

To find out about programs and services, plus stay informed about upcoming webinars, group coaching programs, workshops and home study courses, go to the Confidently OUT website and opt-in. When you opt-in, you’ll receive a very useful and handy report on Having Winning Conversations! These Top 10 Tips work wonders in almost any setting, particularly in dating situation.

Here’s to Living Confidently OUT.

Regards,

Gayl Newton

www.confidentlyout.com

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